No, I don't have to

He just signed on. I know I've said that its over, that I don't care about him anymore but I see his name there and I wonder if I lied. I may or may not still get a small flutter in my stomach when I think about him. But he doesn't want to even be my friend, or so it seems. I try to reach out and be friendly but he won't open up. He doesn't answer me when I talk to him. If by some chance he does say anything, its just a simple answer. There is no conversation there, just questions and answers, sometimes. Why can't I just be open to him and say something like "Why can't I be your friend?" Because its lame, thats why. I should be used to lame, but something in me tries to avoid it, and usually fails. I don't even know why I like him. I don't know him. I just feel drawn to him for some reason. Why? I don't find him "hot" or "sexy." I'm not in any way sexually attracted to him. Maybe I do just want to be his friend. But seeing him worship makes me think that I want to be with him. Or somebody like him maybe. I want somebody who loves to worship and can do it freely. I want somebody who has a passion for Jesus. Who loves Him with more than words. I think I may be a little "different" if you will but sometimes I can see things in people. It's very true that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I can see pain and joy in people. I think it weirds them out though because on the few occasions I've called them on it I don't get the most positive responses. I wonder if I should just keep my mouth shut. Or maybe work on a better way to tell people what I see. But really, I lean more in the direction of keeping my mouth shut. Sigh. Why can't I just talk to him?